


The (not-so-shit) Shitshow

by Th3gab3



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: 6/12 Gift Exchange 2018, Drabble, Gen, One Shot, Rated T for language, clouns..., lov these clouns!!, other than that its p much fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-16 11:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14810309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Th3gab3/pseuds/Th3gab3
Summary: "Strange looking stranger, seems to be lost...""...and with us, they have crossed!"Joey froze, slowly turning around and being met face to painted face with two trolls, both wearing differently colored halves of one mask. She yelped in surprise and hopped back as the strange twins did the same, clearly not expecting that reaction.





	The (not-so-shit) Shitshow

**Author's Note:**

> This was made for the 6/12 Gift Exchange which is hosted here: 612giftexchange.tumblr.com
> 
> hecc ye
> 
> enjoy

"Xefros! Xeeefroooos! Agh, where did you go?!" Joey cried out into the dark hallway, receiving no answer except silence. Shining her flashlight around revealed very little save for the occasional door or stray balloon littered on the floor. "...is this revenge for coming in here when you said it was a bad idea? I-if it is, I'm sorry! Xefros??" 

She finally exited the room she was rummaging through with a sigh and walked slowly down the hallway, balloons bumping around her feet as she made her way to yet another door. This one was splashed with purple and yellow, stickers displaying two halves of one mask dotted all over with a plaque in the middle reading "The Soleil Twins, Barzum and Baizli" with purple and gold paint in the engraving. Hesitantly opening the door and stepping in, Joey felt along the wall for a light switch of some kind while waving her flashlight around the room and distinguishing nothing except a vanity with, what else, purple and yellow lights around the mirror. Checking around the room once more, she walked up to it, spotting pictures taped along the the sides of the mirror and what you would usually find on a vanity desk with the same strange alien text on it. The pictures were of two similar looking trolls, which Joey immediately deduced to be the Soleil Twins. The way they acted in the pictures all aloof and playful reminded her of two siblings. Two wierd, alien siblings but...yeah.

The more she looked at the pictures, the more homesick she got, thoughts going to Jude and whether he was safe, how he was faring, whether he hated her for leaving just like Mom did all those years ago. Joey violently shook her head to clear her thoughts, wiping away the budding tears as she stood up and walked away towards the door.

"Strange looking stranger, seems to be lost..."

"...and with us, they have crossed!"

Joey froze, slowly turning around and being met face to painted face with two trolls, both wearing differently colored halves of one mask. She yelped in surprise and hopped back as the strange twins did the same, clearly not expecting that reaction.

"I didn't mean to snoop I'm just lost and trying to find my friend I'm sorry I'm sorry!!" Joey babbled as she accidentally dropped her flashlight, tripping over her own feet as she backed up. "Please I'll do anything just don't hurt me please!"

The twins quickly recover their composure, the one in the purple mask speaking first as they put their hands up in a placating manner.

"Calm down, strange stranger, we aren't going to hurt you..."

"...yes, we are here to help you, it's true!" The one in the yellow mask finishes, half of a worried smile visible.

"We got off on the wrong foot, let us try again..."

"...tell us who you are, who you're looking for, how you got to this situation you're in!" 

Daring a glance, Joey saw the twin in the purple mask stepping closer and extending their hand to help her up. She cautiously took it, standing up and brushing herself off while the other twin handed the flashlight over, which had turned off when it bounced against the ground.

"Oh! Thanks. You two are the, um, Soleil Twins?" Joey asked as she gratefully took her flashlight. As she said that, the lights flickered back on and revealed the rest of the room to her as her eyes adjusted. "Oof, why were those off anyways?"

"We saw intruders, did not know your intentions..."

"...so we had to keep your sight in suspension!"

"But to answer your previous question..."

"...yes, we are the Soleil Twins, masters of suspense and tension!" The one in yellow finished with glee. Purple seemed to speak softer and bit slower, where yellow was excited and active, speaking with their hands lot.

"So, who's who, if it's okay to ask?" At that, the twins gave each other excited looks as they sprung into a pose, Purple on the left and Yellow on the right, before speaking in a practiced dialogue.

_"My name is Barzum..."_

_"...and I'm Bailzi!"_

_**"We are the Soleil Twins of the Shitshow!"**  
_

_"We share a lusus..."_

_"...we share everything!"_

_"We communicate with each other telepathically..."_

_"...and through unbroken dead-eyed stares!"_

(One of which they shared before looking back at Joey and continuing.) _  
_

_"I am tragicomic..."_

_"...and I stay hydrated!"_

**_"Last but not least, that is the only time you won't hear us rhyme!"_ **

 They hopped up from their pose, bowing as Joey giggled and clapped. Suddenly, the door creaked open behind her and she saw a tall troll who was dressed fancifully and sporting a cane.

"Ah, I thought I heard my favorite twins in here. I see you're giving our guest the run-down?" Looking a bit further down, he caught Joey and smiled, bending down to talk face-to-face with her. "I will admit, Chahut and I gave your burgundy friend quite a scare, but he is doing fine. Oh! What kind of ringleader am I, I haven't even properly introduced myself!" He spoke with a booming, distinct voice that was obviously meant for audiences and catching attention, but it still held some warmth and something that felt like sincerity. Like if he promised a good show, then you were guaranteed to have one heck of a show.

"I am Marvus Xoloto, Ringleader of the Shitshow here on good ol' Alternia. A pleasure to meet you." He held out his hand expectedly as Joey took it, curtsying a little.

"J-Joey Claire. It's a pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Xoloto." From behind Marvus, she could hear footsteps racing down the hall as Marvus let go of her hand and stepped to the side, where Xefros came rushing in.

"Joey!" He cried as they crashed into each others arms, holding her tight. "Ohhh I thought I lost you! You won't believe it, Joey! They're part of the rebellion too!" Xefros's face was a mix of relief and excitement, probably from all of the good news of not only finding his friend again, but also learning that the members of the Shitshow, one of the most revered and feared subjuggulator acts of the last couple of sweeps, were fighting full force with the Tetrarch rebellion.

"R-really? Didn't you say that purplebloods were kinda, uhhh..."

"Murderous? Bloodthirsty? Culling lowbloods and even highbloods for the sake of the clown cult enforced and expected of by society?" Marvus interrupted, smirking.

"Uh...yes?" Joey replied nervously as he laughed heartily.

"While it is true, we have taken certain, say....precautions to lure suspicion away from us." He explains as he walks out, waving his hand and prompting the others to follow. "We are masters of acting after all. It's all part of the big act, hiding the machinations of a well oiled machine. One that our dear heiress would not take kindly to."

"We help the lowblood actors escape culling..."

"...and reintegrate back to society without anyone knowing!" The twins supply as they reached the main lobby, where two more clowns waited. The first was a hulking brute with notable bloodstains coating their pants and big axe while the other was much smaller, no bigger than Joey or the twins, and...painted horns, from what Joey and Xefros could see.

"Don't mind Chahut's paint. Once again, all part of the act. She's very proud of how it fools everyone." Marvus told them before the small clown jumped on him, laughing. "We aren't really sure who this is, but we love them all the same. We're just one big family here." He said, a proud and happy look on his face.

"What do they need, anyways? You runnin' from something? Drones? Seadwellers?" The big one, Chahut, asked. Xefros immediately piped up.

"Well, it's a long story but basically...one of the Tetrarchs, Dammek, is missing and Joey here is in his place. She's an alien from a planet called Earth. We had met up with Tetrarch Elwurd but we lost her since. We're trying to get to somewhere safe and form up some kind of plan." When he finished, the mystery clown spoke up. To Joey and Xefros it was nothing but laughing gibberish, but Marvus seemed to understand somehow, probably after being with them for so long.

"I was just thinking that. Good idea, you." He turned back to the two outcasts. "You can stay here for now, but when you need to leave we will be able to send you on the right path to a safehouse, with Chahut providing escort for you just in case. Oh, and for the record," Marvus added with a grin. "I'm  _pretty_ sure everyone here realized you were an alien. I'm not sure what you were working with exactly, but I'm sure we can fix up a much better disguise for you."

Joey looked herself over. The paint was starting to fall off and comparing her 'horns' to the others, they weren't exactly award winning recreations.

"I-it got us this far, but we could definitely use a new coat of paint so to speak, ehehe..." Xefros said, scratching his neck. He was a music artist, not an 'art' artist.

"We can help you with that, no need to worry..."

"...but we need to act soon, sir, the audience is arriving in quite a hurry!" Baizli was by the entrance, looking out to the forming line.

"Ah, it is that time of the night isn't it? Well, you two should run along. There should be spare rooms in the upper halls. And Joey?" Marvus said, causing Joey to cock her head to the side. "When you leave, do stay cautious. Not all clowns are as nice as us. Just...be careful, alright? I don't usually listen to gut instinct, but I can't help but feel there's something...undeniably special about you and this situation you've fallen in." He finished, a strangely somber yet pondering look upon his face.

"Y-yeah, I will. Thank you." Joey said before she and Xefros left to hide. Taking a deep breath, Marvus remained still for a moment before Chahut put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't you be getting second thoughts on us, fearless leader. They'll be fine, especially if they made it this motherfuckin' far. Girl's an  _alien_. If she's survived up to this point, I doubt she'll get caught anytime motherfuckin' soon." Chahut assured him, lazy smile on her face. Marvus sighed before chuckling a little, evidently tired from his time of taking many steps and risks to hide their involvement with the rebellion.

"You're right. I'm just getting a bit old is all, you know how it is. Now!" He exclaimed, putting a braver, more professional look on and clapping his hands. "Clowns? What say we get this Shitshow on the road?"

There was a woop of agreement, laughs and honks shared all around. In the end, Paradox Space was a stage and they would be damned if they weren't going to put on a good show.

A damn good Shitshow.

**Author's Note:**

> Heeey
> 
> shameless plug buuuuuut
> 
> follow me at nazi-killing-gizmo for fun times
> 
> hell yeah (also please leave comments i fuckin LIVE for em)


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